Introduction: Breaking the Silence
For the first time in my life, I'm choosing to share my story. Not to garner sympathy, but to encourage others to share theirs too, to find the courage to heal. I believe vulnerability is the birthplace of healing and transformation. This is part of the process of healing—facing the darkness and letting the light in.
Many people who know me see only the surface—my positive attitude, my smile, my upbeat energy, my ideas, enormous love for complex things. They assume I have a perfect life. But behind the smiles is a story shaped by trauma and resilience. It’s time I take you to the source of it all: my childhood.
Trigger Warning: If hearing about trauma is difficult for you, I urge you to prepare yourself. You are amazing, you are loved, and you deserve love. Relax. Everything is going to be fine.
The Roots of My Pain
My childhood was marked by a series of challenges that shaped the person I’ve become today.
Bullying: I was bullied most of my childhood. The pain of being excluded and belittled left deep scars.
Social Isolation: Due to my autism (which I have never spoken about before) and lingering insecurities, I found it hard to connect deeply with people, often feeling disconnected and misunderstood. Most people still make fun of it today, despite it all being autistic has prime advantages, which I’ll talk about later.
Depression and Suicidal Thoughts: The weight of it all eventually led to depression and suicidal thoughts, particularly in the last few years. Many nights, I cried myself to sleep, unsure if I’d ever find peace.
Your Personal Experience:
Childhood Isolation: Growing up, I felt like an outsider, a solitary figure in a bustling playground. While other kids would talk about their dads, I had nothing to say because I never got to know how it feels having a strong father figure. Kids would talk about the toys they got over the holidays, but I could only talk about the toys I made out of boxes and cans I picked from the trash or the rubbish pits. Their laughter and mockery echoed in my ears, a constant reminder of my inadequacy.
Material Deprivation: I remember one time I really wanted a bicycle so badly but couldn't afford one. None of the kids would let me ride theirs, and when I grew up, I still used to admire bicycles. I told myself that the day I would be able to take care of myself, I would definitely get myself one. And I did! Whenever I get on it, the little child in me lights up, and it gives me happiness and peace just like it would if I ever had one as a kid. To date, it's my favorite outdoor hobby.
Finding Joy in Isolation: Growing up in isolation, I sometimes had to find things to divert my mind from the trauma. I made my own chessboard out of a box and bottle tops, inspired by watching my cousins play. Imagine playing chess on your own left hand versus your right hand, and whichever hand wins, I'd be so happy. My love for chess never dried out. Having won several chess tournaments makes me even happier. Whenever I hear of chess or watch chess, my mind goes back to my old days of me and my homemade chessboard. Despite it all, I found things that made me happy, the complex things made me happy.
Finding Peace Through Healing
Now, fast forward to today. Over the last three years, I’ve made significant progress in my healing journey, and although life still throws challenges my way, I am now filled with peace and love—both for myself and others. I love people regardless of their background, religion, or skin color. I’m grateful for the experiences that have shaped me, and I choose not to be defined by my past.
Forgiveness: I've forgiven anyone who has hurt me—whether intentionally or not. Forgiveness is a powerful force that has allowed me to break free from the chains of resentment and trauma.
Message of Hope: My message to anyone going through a rough time: You can find peace. You can find self-love. And you can love others. Please be patient with yourself. Don’t go hard on yourself for the things you cannot control. Life is a process, and if you can’t take a big step today, it’s okay to just move an inch. Keep going. Don’t give up. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, and all you need to do is keep moving forward.
Practical Tips That Helped Me Heal
Throughout my journey, I discovered practices that helped me heal—mind, body, and soul. Here are some of the most important ones:
Establishing a Routine: Creating a daily structure helped bring stability and predictability to my life.
Self-Care: Fixing my sleep schedule, taking cold showers daily, improving my diet, and engaging in physical activity, especially spending time outdoors in the sunlight—morning walks worked wonders.
Spiritual Connection: Finding and reconnecting with God has been a profound part of my healing. Meditation, prayer, and being present in the moment allowed me to find peace.
Positive Content: Consuming positive content, such as self-improvement books, podcasts, and spaces (like Dr. Joe Dispenza), can uplift and motivate you.
Mindfulness and Hypnosis: Self-hypnosis and mindfulness have been instrumental in rewiring my mind. Listening to Near-Death Experience (NDE) stories gave me hope, and learning how to protect my energy and raise my vibration has been crucial for staying balanced.
Detoxing from Negativity: Disconnecting from toxic environments and people helped me safeguard my mental health. Attack your addictions, detox from them, and watch how your energy shifts.
Finding Your Tribe: Surround yourself with people who are on a similar journey of self-improvement. A supportive community can be a source of strength, encouragement, and inspiration.
A Message to You
To everyone struggling right now, know that I pray for you. I’m rooting for you. You are all amazing. Keep going, don’t lose hope, and remember: this is your life, your journey, and you are worthy of love and peace.
This is a glimpse into my story. A past marked by pain and trauma, but also resilience and healing. I am still learning, still growing. Life continues to knock me down sometimes, but I always get back up, and so can you. I hope my words inspire you to start your own journey toward peace and healing. You're not alone, and I believe in you.
Embracing the Strengths of Autism
Autism is often seen as a disability, but it's important to remember that it also comes with unique strengths. Many individuals with autism possess remarkable talents and abilities that can be harnessed to achieve great things.
Here are a few advantages of autism:
Hyperfocus: Autistic individuals often have the ability to focus intensely on topics that interest them. This can lead to exceptional skills and achievements in specific areas.
Attention to Detail: People with autism often have a keen eye for detail and can spot patterns that others might miss. This can be a valuable asset in fields like science, engineering, or research.
Creativity: Autism is often associated with creativity and innovative thinking. Many individuals with autism excel in the arts, music, or other creative pursuits.
Honesty and Integrity: Autistic people are often known for their honesty and integrity. They tend to be straightforward and direct in their communication, which can be refreshing in a world filled with dishonesty and deception.
Empathy: Contrary to popular belief, many individuals with autism possess deep empathy and understanding. They may have a unique perspective on the world and can offer valuable insights into human behavior.
Harnessing Your Strengths
If you have autism, it's important to identify and embrace your unique strengths. This can involve self-discovery, exploring your interests, and seeking support from mentors or professionals who understand autism.
By recognizing and utilizing your strengths, you can overcome challenges, build confidence, and achieve your goals. Remember, autism is not a limitation; it's a unique perspective that can be a source of great strength and creativity.
Famous Autistic People Who Have Shaped the World
Many famous individuals throughout history have been diagnosed with autism or have displayed autistic traits. These individuals have made significant contributions to various fields, demonstrating the incredible potential of autistic people.
Here are a few examples:
Albert Einstein: The renowned physicist is believed to have had autistic traits. His ability to think outside the box and his unique perspective led to groundbreaking discoveries in the field of physics.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: The legendary composer was likely autistic. His extraordinary musical talent and ability to focus intensely on his work allowed him to create some of the most beautiful and influential pieces of classical music.
Temple Grandin: A renowned animal scientist and advocate for autism, Grandin has used her unique perspective to design humane livestock handling facilities. Her story is an inspiration to many autistic individuals and their families.
Bill Gates: The co-founder of Microsoft is believed to have autistic traits. His ability to focus intensely on technology and his innovative thinking have revolutionized the way we live and work.
Remember: You don’t need to share your story publicly to start healing. Begin by opening up to people close to you or seeking support from a doctor or therapist. For those feeling stuck, I strongly recommend reaching out to a mental health professional. Taking that first step toward help can be incredibly empowering.
You Got This ♥